Hollywood Disco: The Scene of the StorySo once again, it’s taken me almost a month between updates and for that I apologize. I’ve been slacking a bit, but that’s just because I’ve been having so much fun. I’ve also been working on a side project that I’m stoked about. Of course, it’s Muay Thai related and I’m pretty sure you guys will want to check it out when it’s done.

Anyway, as I’m sure you know by now, I love it here and I rarely have anything to complain about but there is a downside. I see a lot of people come and a lot of people go. I’m pretty used to it by now but it definitely sucks when it comes time to say goodbye to some of the friends you made.

There’s been a lot of Canadians here at the camp lately and this past month, 4 of us have been hanging out a lot. There was these 2 guys named Matt and Troy from Ottawa (same city as I’m from) and another dude named Ian who’s from Toronto.

Ian is still here, and he plans on staying until he runs out of money because like myself, he doesn’t want to leave. However, as I’m writing this, Matt and Troy are most likely eating shitty airline food in silence while they’re looking at the pictures of broads and beaches that they’ve taken during the past month they’ve spent in paradise. It’s a depressing feeling. I know first hand.

Throughout their time here, Troy was documenting his experience on his facebook page. He’s relatively new to the sport of Muay Thai (with only around a year of training experience) and it was his first time in Thailand. With this place feeling like a completely different world to first time visitors, there was definitely a culture shock.

His entries were pretty long but they were also pretty funny so I’ll highlight certain parts that stuck out. It’s always interesting to see how people react to a place like this when they see it for the first time. Sort of reminds me if my own initial impressions of it when I first came here about 3 years ago.

Anyway, here’s what Troy had to say about his first days of training..

The training here is as ridiculous as the lore of it back home. Yesterday I woke up to go for my morning skip, and my trainer told me I wasn’t allowed to skip anymore for my warm up, and also that I have no choice but to start training twice a day. I have to jog instead (even in the afternoon when the heat and humidity is beyond anything you can possibly imagine). Also, the gym is located up in the mountain, so there’s ridiculously steep hills. I’m talking like an 80-90% incline.

My trainer’s name is impossible to pronounce correctly and hard to remember, but I think he said either Ming or Ning. Or maybe he said Noi, I don’t really know. He calls me Choy, and he sticks to me like flies to shit. I have a problem understanding him, but I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m a potato. My first day, for example, I was skipping and I thought I was warmed up enough so I stopped and started stretching, and he ran over and said: “Five more minutes Choy!!! HAHAHAHA” and kicked me in the ass. He corrects my stance every day, and stretches my legs I’m sure 400% beyond their flexibility.

I probably have at least 100 pounds on him, and the other day I hopped in the ring to spar with him and he beat the fucking shit out of me and thought it was hilarious, throwing his hands up in the middle of the round yelling: “ME MANNY PACQUIAO!!! ME MANNY PACQUIAO!!”….but he would show me what I was doing wrong, and he’s really trying to get me to relax, move and breathe properly when under pressure, which is exactly what I need to improve the most – especially according to how my fight went back home. Just when I feel I’m tired and ready to quit, he’ll tell me to go do 100 situps in the baking sun, or that we have to start jogging up that hill.

While that doesn’t sound appealing to most people. Troy was really enjoying it as indicated by what he wrote next..

I love the daily grind. Getting absolutely SOAKED in sweat and working harder than I’ve ever worked in my life at anything. Training here on a daily basis is almost as hard as my fight was, which is crazy when you think of it. I love the sounds of pads getting smashed as I walk down the hill from my room to the camp. I love the Thai guys yelling: “Ebbou!!” (Elbow) “KNEE!!” “WUN-CHOO” (One-Two) MO POWAH CHOY!!! (More power Troy), I love sitting down and stretching the butterfly while I wrap my hands and tape the blisters on my feet.

I love how fucking TOUGH the Thai guys are here. They fight all the time, and they hardly even train since they spend most of their time training us! They just start jogging about a week before their fights. They literally sleep next to the ring in a little mosquito net, and they use Thai pads for pillows! You know, the same Thai pads that they hold for us to punch and kick during the day.

Even in their down time, the trainers sit there and watch Muay Thai fights on the little TV at the gym. They live and breathe the sport and every time a good strike or especially a good combination gets through, they go crazy and yell: “OHHHWAAAAYYYYY!!!!!”

Thailand is more amazing, dirtier, and comforting than I ever could have hoped for! Tomorrow we go to Patong Stadium to watch our trainers fight. Chok Dee (good luck) to them.

Since I’m really behind on my entries, I just so happen to have some footage of the fights that he’s talking about ..

Anyway, back to Troy’s experience in Thailand. Like any first timer here, he racked up some interesting stories. Here is one of them…

Last Saturday was supposed to be the last time we partied hard here in Thailand, so I wanted to go out with a bang. You can take that metaphorically or literally, whatever you want, to me that night they were synonymous, and I was hot on the prowl for a Euro-chick. Or, in my drunken, perverted slobber: “I WANT SOME EUROPUSSY!!” However, fate had different plans for me. Or perhaps, in the spirit of Thailand and Buddhism, it was karma. Not only did I have the fucking WORST night out in the history of nights out, I got punched by a Thai hooker. I didn’t think it was funny at the time, but Bill, Ian and Matt obviously thought it was hilarious and have convinced me now that it was. Here’s a rough schematic of what led up to this debacle:

Two weekends previous to Saturday, I hooked up with a Thai chick named Daw [Da-oh] at a club called “Hollywood.” I had to do the walk of shame the next morning past all the trainers here at the camp as I brought her back down the mountain. Anyway, I figured she got the message when I didn’t bother to call, visit or even think of her since. I was so drunk that night that I hardly remember anything and I feel as though I didn’t even make the conscious decision to hook up with her myself. So, you can imagine my heart sinking when we walked into Hollywood Saturday (two weeks after that night), and after crushing a bottle of nail-polish-tasting vodka as well as several buckets of alcohol. When she approached me, she attempted to hold my hand and give me a kiss.

Well, with it being my last night out in Thailand, I decided to be honest and inform her of my intent of sloppy-grinding white chicks on the dance floor. She immediately started crying and her friends started consoling her. Being drunker than an Irishman on St. Patrick’s Day, I just stood there swaying to the beat of the music with a shit-eating grin on my face. I mean, I had only spent a few hours with this girl, and I hadn’t bothered to contact her at any point within the last 2 weeks. However, as the boys have correctly pointed out, this would make me an asshole anywhere in the world.

Anyway, I just left her and continued into the back room, ready to get my mack on. I saw Daw’s friends talking to each other and they spread out like wildfire. In Thailand, it’s like a role reversal when compared to our home countries and we (foreigners) get pursued the same way fit, big-titty blondes do back at home. It’s easy to feel like a pick up artist here because you can usually have anyone you want.

For instance, last weekend, Matt informed me in the morning that the night before I was standing behind a Thai girl grinding and exposing her bra/nipple in the middle of the dance-floor while she had a reach-around going. I’m pretty sure I would get thrown in jail for doing that back in Canada, but instead, some guy from Sweden just walked up and gave me a high-five. However, this time around, every Thai girl I tried to dance with, or even talk too, gave me the cold shoulder. I quickly figured out that Daw’s friends had informed every Thai girl in the club that I was a dick.

All hope wasn’t lost at this point though because my buddy Damian assured me that he’d be able to hook me up with some Australian chicks that he knew. Things we’re looking alright! So, I decided to grab another beer and tour around a bit, at which point, I ran into Bill and he was with the hottest Thai girl you could possibly imagine. We had “creeped” this girl in facebook earlier in the night and I knew it was her because she had the “scorpion boob” (a scorpion tattoo on her chest). I was stoked for him, so I left him alone and toured around some more.

Alright, here’s a brief intermission to the story. He claimed that I was with the “hottest Thai girl you could possibly imagine”, but what good is a claim like that unless it’s backed up with some pictures. Luckily, I just so happen to have some of the infamous “scorpion boob” girl. However, I regret to inform you that I wasn’t able to secure her that night. I know, fuck me, right?

BACK TO THE STORY
 

Anyway, Damian finally introduced me to the Australian chicks and they seemed nice. I was excited and I had a nice buzz going. However, that’s when shit started to turn sour. I suddenly found myself face-to-face with “Daw”, all by herself on a cleared out space on the dance floor. She looked pissed, so I asked her what was wrong. She was yelling broken English into my ear, but all I could hear was the DOOF-DOOF-DOOF of the subs in club Hollywood, and the only words I could make out were “Boom-boom”, which is what Thai people refer to sex as.

I just smiled and nodded, and told her that I didn’t understand a goddamn word she just said. She got soooo pissed! She cocked back her arm and tried to punch me in the jaw. Luckily, I was too tall and she hit me in the sternum instead, then just stormed off. I wasn’t even mad at first, which was surprising, and I just thought to myself “WTF, whatever”, and I toured around the bar again.

I ran into those Aussie chicks that Damien had introduced me too, tried to say hi, and they completely blew me off. Like, it was embarrassingly bad and super rude, I felt like a complete turd. At this point, I was pissed and I just wanted to get out of there. I left the club, got all the way down the street (Bangla Road) and then realized that I had left the key to my room with my buddy Matt (since I was wearing grappling shorts without any pockets).

So, I went back, and at the entrance to Hollywood there’s like a steep cat-walk. Anyway, some hot, white, big-breasted blonde American broad decided to go down it drunk in heels. She lost her balance and tried to stiff-arm me out of the way. I was so pissed off at that point, I just stood my ground and basically setup somewhat of a basketball pick (I weigh 235 pounds). As you can imagine, she bounced off me like a beach ball and basically did a flip, ate shit and landed face-down on the dirty, dirty concrete of Bangla road. I turned in her direction and said: “Thanks a lot, Bitch!!”, left her there in all her “glory”, and stormed up the catwalk.

Surprisingly, as I re-entered the club, all the Thai bouncers were laughing, patting me on the back and giving me the thumbs up. If I was in any other mood, it would have been awesome, but I really just wanted to get the fuck out of dodge. To clarify that I’m not a COMPLETE jerk, this girl did this in such a fashion that was obviously very arrogant and super-bitchy, like her shit didn’t stink. In other words, she got what was coming to her. She made it come down to either her or I eating shit, and I said fuck you and stuffed it right down her spoiled-rotten throat. I’m assuming that’s why the bouncers gave me props….either that or they enjoyed the view of her bare ass as she tried to pick herself off the ground.

Anyway, I got the key and grabbed a motorbike taxi home. However, right when I thought the night couldn’t get any worse, the taxi driver took me to the Muay Thai stadium instead of the gym. I was so fucking pissed and in a sarcastic tone, I said “Ya man, thanks, I really wanted to go to the fucking boxing stadium at 5 o’clock in the morning”. But they don’t understand anyway, so it didn’t matter and I didn’t get stabbed. The driver ended up charging me 300 baht for the ride though, which is insane because you can pretty much buy 3 weeks of gas here for that much money. I paid for it anyway and got the hell to bed.

So, while Troy’s night didn’t pan out exactly the way he wanted it too, at least he WE got a funny story out of it. Of course, seeing as how both him and his buddy Matt were living here for a full month, they’re both heading back to Canada right now with a bunch of other stories and experiences (that have happier endings) and most likely – a whole new outlook on things. Hopefully they’ll be back soon and as Troy put it best at the end of his journal ..

“Gentleman, let us always continue to crush pads, pussy and cheap fruit shakes”

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8 COMMENTS

  1. Just discovered your fantastic blog whilst researching Patong Boxing Gym.
    I’m living a couple of minutes away (also on the hill) and go past everyday on my way to work.
    Jacking in my job at the end of the month and want to start training but i’m a complete beginner – good place to start or more for advanced fighters?
    Thanks, Chris

  2. Chris

    Patong Boxing Gym is absolutely fine for beginners. If you’re there in the afternoon’s you’ll probably see Bill – he’s the guy smashing the pads and more muscles than a seafood restaurant.

    Peter

  3. LOL Peter .. You have any plans to come back?

    And Chris, yeah, like Peter said, the gym is fine for beginners. It’s not in a group class format so it’s just you and your trainer. You’ll learn at your own pace.

  4. Hey, Thanks for the concern..

    I’m fine. Still at the Patong Gym and training for an upcoming fight.

    I’ll put up a new entry within the next couple days ..

    Bill

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