Thailand Trickery

Make you look! The most common response I got when I told people I was coming to Thailand to train was simply “dawg, be careful, make sure you don’t fuck a tranny”. Transsexuals, or “ladyboys” as they’re commonly referred too here, are all over Thailand. They’re in the bars, they’re in the malls, they’re in restaurants, and as a matter of fact, my last haircut was courtesy of a ladyboy at the salon.

I was watching a newscast the other day and they were talking about a school up north that recently constructed a ladyboy-specific washroom to accommodate their transgender students. Throughout the country, there’s over 200,000 of these ladyboys walking around. How’s that for incentive not to over drink? A case of “beer goggles” in your home country may lead you to be waking up next to some fat broad but here, in Thailand, a lot of guys get a whole lot more than they bargained for.

During my first trip to Thailand last year, I remember seeing a couple “growing up gotti” wannabe’s walking hand in hand with a couple not-so-obvious ladyboys back to the hotel. They were walking with a “gangster-lean” thinking they were badass but if they only knew… As a matter of fact, they never found out! I asked the one of the ladyboys the following afternoon and she (or should I say, he) never told them.

Unfortunately, incidents like that are a common occurrence here. I’ve come to view ladyboys almost like reverse bodybuilders. Bodybuilders go to great lengths to look masculine and often times, take anabolic hormones as a means of speeding up the process. Ladyboys in the other hand, are just dudes that try to look as feminine as possible and like bodybuilders, they take hormones as well. Of course, they take estrogens instead of testosterone and oftentimes, they start doing so before they even hit puberty.

A lot of them are easy to spot. They just look like Thai guys in dresses with breast implants. However, just because you can spot the obvious ones, don’t let your guard down. Some of them a nearly impossible for a first time visitor with a couple of beers in him to detect. Check out the “girl” that makes an appearance at the 1:48 mark of this random youtube video..

I’ve had my fair share of moments where I’ve seen a seemingly hot girl from a distance, checked her out and later realized that I was gawking over a dude in a dress. Some of them are so convincing that you’ll be left shaking your head and saying “what the fuck?!”. Luckily, I’ve polished my ladyboy detection skills having spent nearly half a year combined in this country but of course, I still find it entertaining to sit back and watch the unsuspecting tourists unknowingly venture over to the “dark side”.

So, aside from cupping their crotch in the nightclub, how can you tell if it’s a guy in disguise? Well, here’s a little 7-step checklist for you..

1) Ask to see their National Thai ID card.

Simply say “hey, I’ve never seen what a Thai ID card looks like, can you show me?”. The card will either say Mr. or Miss. If it’s a ladyboy, the card will of course still say – “Mr.”. However, as you can see from a photo I took of a fake document stand I took while in KhaoSan road in Bangkok – fake documentation isn’t hard to obtain here in Thailand. In which case, you can implement some of these other methods..

2) Check for an Adams apple.

You’d think this would be obvious but a lot of guys completely forget about this. It’s called an “ADAMS apple” for a reason. Adam & Eve. Adam ate the apple, hence, guys have it and most girls don’t. However, with plastic surgery being more popular in Thailand than it is in Beverly Hills, a lot of the ladyboys get their Adams apple shaved down.

EDIT: So apparently, Eve ate the apple and not Adam? My lack of biblical knowledge aside, if they have a bump in their throat, stay away..

3) Tickle Them.

Ladyboys go through great efforts do disguise their voice but when tickled, their natural, manly voice will no longer be masked.

4) Check How Their Arm Bends.

When a woman straightens her arm, it usually hyper-extends a bit at the elbow and the forearm appears to drift slightly to the right. When a mans arm is straightened, it doesn’t hyperextend as much and the upper arm and forearm are more aligned.

5) Over-exaggerated body movements.

Ladyboys are men and because of that, they don’t have the natural grace that a woman has. Sure they try, but often times, they try too hard and it’s quite obvious.

6) You go through 2 bottles of KY jelly

Post-op ladyboys have fake vaginas or more realistically – inverted penises. Sounds wonderful doesn’t it? Well, these “fake vaginas” don’t produce vaginal fluid the same way the real ones do so if you get down to the “boom boom” and you go through a couple litres of lubricant, it’s pretty safe to say you’ve bagged a dude. If you’ve only made the discovery at this late stage, well ..you had just better hope that your buddies didn’t snap and photos of you and your “girlfriend” at the club.

7) If they have a bigger cock than you!

Self explanatory. 8=========D

So, brush up on your ladyboy detection skills because in a future post, I’ll throw up photos of 5 Thai girls and 5 random ladyboys and we’ll see how you do. I guess I have to hit the street and get the photos – I don’t know how easy that’s going to be. I tried taking a short video of them for the purpose of this post and about 5 seconds into filming, one of them looked like she wanted to attack me. The last thing I need is a trannie causing a huge scene in a very public area. People would most likely crowd around and assume that I refused to pay for my “services” or something. Anyway, here’s the very short vid.. and remember, your ladyboy test is coming, so study hard..

And guys, although I figured this would be entertaining, I know checking out dudes in dresses isn’t really your thing so I’ll make up for it in the near future with a Thailand Temptations article that will showcase all sorts of beautiful Thai WOMEN..

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